Moving on DAY 2

So i didnt respond to her text. And i didnt hear from her when she landed or anything.. I got a HI:) around 1130 and i responded with a simple " welcome back". I cant completely ignore her thats just rude. I'm not rude. Then immediately got a THX:) how are you? Hows your car?.. Listen i dont want small talk or chit chat I just want to forget the girl completely. Well not the girl. The Love. Alls I can picture is her getting picked up by one of the people shes dating. Fucking him/her then waking up and fucking again.. Then after this person leaves she texts me cause she somewhat feels guilty, she misses me, she wants to know she can have her cake and eat it too, and she knows this sex is just pathetic compared to what we had.:) that i do miss alot Sex with her was off the charts... So my night last night was good..
I stopped by to visit some friends at East West then headed to Haute at 119am. Its a 20 cover all you can drink but it was so late they just let us right in and basically I got free drinks.. One can drink alot in 40 mins. 2 strong blue cups of jack and coke to be exact. I am am paying for it because i had two strong drinks at ew prior. Cruised the girls, had a few conversations, saw one decent looking girl we made eye contact she kept walking by trying to get my attention but i was stuck in a conversation with ugly chicks and again I'm not rude. So that was my chance for the night and I passed it up.  But it was good to get out.. New Years Eve should be interesting. i am definitely on the prowl.. Boobytrap it is..

UPDATE!

my text i sent earlier this morning prior to my last post:
me: suns coming out,fed !@%* a bit extra, keys on counter
Her response i just got.. should be  just as simple
her: thx love. you r the best! I owe u big time! Seriously! Kinda missing you....;) and love you...Would ve(she always mispells everything)nice to see u soon. bout to board.Xo


exactly why its taken me soo long to move on. texts like that.

The Moving On!!

OK so i needed some time this past week. Alot of tears were shed. ALOT. I never cried before meeting this girl.. Never and now I'm this huge baby who is always on the verge of tears. This shit sucks and what Ive come to realize is that i'm not the only one who has ever gone through this. Although I feel like I am. I feel like no one understands but tons of you can relate. Maybe not the girl on girl gay shit but losing love. Although the cunt still loves me she just is in need of attention and honestly think its some mid-life I still wanna make sure i can get other people.. Anyways. I'm not really gonna focus on the past and  blog about what we had and what went wrong. Ill tell stories here and there... but to make it more interesting i'm gonna talk about me moving on.. what i'm doing to fix this stupid broken heart. Who I am going out with, where I am going, the texts i get from the ex. I'm going to try to keep it spicy and also work on the page a bit.... So here it goes..
DAY 1
From here on out i have finally accepted it is over.. And yes i am tearing up as I write this. The holidays were hard. She was on the east and I was the sucker who was watching her cat. And the sucker who drove her to the airport.My friends all yelled at me for that... the ride to the airport was the worse because she kept touching me and telling me she loved me and how hard it is to see me cause she just can't keep her hands off me. And thats what sucks when she touches me i feel that bullshit electricity that everyone talks about. Some stupid fucking connection.. Anyways so this was last Thurs. She got out of the car a long hug and she says i love you i know i shouldnt say it but i do I'm in love with you... FUCK her!!! really? then this stupid airborne toxic event song came on. the song that was playing the first time i got into her car. the first song we both agreed we really liked and here a year and a half later it depicts our fucking relationship.. so i hold back the tears drive back to her house feed the cat. Then I just lose it. The stupid memories kept coming back. I sat on the steps and just balled.. he little fluffy cat rubbing up against me as if he was saying " i know i'm sorry shes a selfish cunt but i love you.." then hours later i get the Here! Hope ur having a good day. Xx I dont respond..  then 2 1/2 hours later i get a .. HI! Still I do not respond then 20 mins later.. Am I texting to much?. Its like yes you are leave me and my broken heart alone. Did I tell you her nickname since our round 1 of dating was CAKE.. She lives up to it well.. She wants her cake and to eat it too... Drives me nuts.. OK cut to today 6 days later many tears shed.. I fed her cat played with him for what i hope is the last time. Left the keys and walked out. She has one of her current toys picking her up from the airport so I didnt have to be a sucker again. Just a fool... Just a lonely fool. SO tonight as I have alicia keys try sleeping with a broken heart on repeat. I'm gonna go out try to find me a toy or two or three.. Just things to distract me. Definitely not looking for anything serious.. So ladies if you are reading this you can find me at the Abbey or Haute tonight looking for some play :) I'll be the one with the swollen eyes..

A Quick Overview before the bashing and history.

First of all this is not a poor me i got my heartbroken blog. No.. its a listen to how awesome and shitty this lovely Lesbian relationship was and kind of still is.. For instance today we had a nice lunch after not seeing her in 3 weeks.>. She threw us away because she needs more experiences. Experiences as in she wants to sleep with a man( or men) and experience dating more women. SHES fucking 34... Shes dated more women then me and I'm convinced she only wants to sleep with a man because shes wants porn style sex. Guess me strapping it on just didn't cut it... Anyways back to lunch today. We still love each other insanely. Everything about us is amazing, well was amazing... We broke up twice.. both my doing.. One time in June because we were just failing to reconnect after I was away for three months in Pennsylvania. Basically she wasn't putting out and was very distant. I think it was because of her craving for a man and maybe she got close to another girl( didn't cheat) while I was away. Anyways i went and broke up with her one night and they next day it was too much we both knew it wasn't time to end because we had something "special"  We didn't know what we were at that time and i kinda sorta got kissed AKA attacked by a girl 2 days later and I realized I def didn't want to break up because shes kinda the top of the line in every way... And she made me a better person.. So cut to 4th of JULY.. Sex life had become dull again. I was beyond frustrated and we had to go to this bbq at her friends.. Her friends who I could never ever connect with.. I got so shitfaced so shitfaced that I made a complete fool out of myself. And ended up violently puking the second I got out of the car that night.. She took care of me but i was so drunk i kinda treated her like shit. Woke up on the couch the next morning and just felt like shit.. We were suppose to go to Palm Springs .. well we did just got a late start and the car ride was very difficult for me I was so hung over..And super embarrassed. But we got to stop at chik-fil-a.. they are very far and few between in this part of California. I got chicken strips but couldn't eat them because i was too sick... YES this is relevant.. Don't give up on me yet.. So we make it palm springs unable to get into the room yet so we go straight to the pool and I order us drinks. HAIR of the Dog for me... I instantly feel better. After being there for a bit and halfway through my second drink i remember the chicken strips in bad.. cold but oh so delicious and I saved my Polynesian Sauce.  Shes off somewhere and I tell her how good it was to have saved my chicken strips.  She asks if I have any left I rip her off a piece and she wouldn't take it because i used my hands. I don't know if she has always been like that but after what she swears was the swine flu i swear she had a bad cold she wouldn't take things from my hands.. Something i dealt with but kinda annoyed me. So I'm like too bad and scarfed it down. I finished my drink and headed into the water and when I looked up at her she was rummaging through my bag eating my last chicken strip.. I don't really like sharing my food especially if its crazy delicious... I get out and kinda yell at her because her ass had eaten already and she stole my last one......THIS IS WHAT kicked off the BREAKUP..... I will finish the rest in a day or so because that may have lost your attention a bit and you yourself may need a break from me.. But stick with me.. I have lots to say and need any help you can give to get over this girl.